Disaster Date: Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

I had to do a special Valentine’s Day post. It’s SUPER personal. I didn’t think I’d WANT to share it, but I thought it was perfect for Valentine’s Day (A day I really have never celebrated even when I was in a relationship).Y’all know by now that I’m a positive person who is really comfortable with who I am. It took me a long time to figure out how to accept myself… I assume that’s every teenage-early 20s female. I set myself to go up on a date. This guy, I had never met in person, but we’d been talking for a bit. It was my first date in three-ish years.

It’s good for me to mention I hadn’t catfished this guy. I had been talking to him like normal, and I had disclosed that I was in a wheelchair, but it apparently just went in one ear and out the other, because when he came to pick me up at my apartment, he was shocked. He was mortified. He came inside to talk to me and I was okay. I had expected some questions and he had SEEMED open, but only because he hadn’t taken all my cues and thought deeply about what I had told him.

This guy sat down, and he kept repeating “I don’t know if I can do this”. He shook his head over and over like I was an alien. Like I could never be desirable to anyone – I felt unhuman. Here I was dressed up to go to my favorite restaurant, and here he was asking me questions and trying to struggle with his moral complex. I almost felt bad for the guy. I said almost.

He then agreed to take me out to talk, but that it would just be that one time. I was okay with that, because 1 – I was starving, 2 – I’ve learned that in a relationship if someone doesn’t pass a first impression it’s never going to be a relationship, it’ll be pity. I value myself way more than settling for pity. I choose to educate and move on with life.

So after half an hour of back and forth conversation face to face with this guy, he said (and I remember this so vividly) “I’m sorry, but I think I need to just leave. This is too much of a shock right now.” TOO. MUCH. OF. A. SHOCK. I fought for days after that to reason that… yeah… it is a shock… it’s different for the able-bodied to wrap their head around not being able to have use of half of a body. But I couldn’t justify it, and chalked it up to him just being a person who doesn’t practice what they preach.

He didn’t even take me to dinner. He just left. He said “I know I’ll regret this and it will haunt me forever.” I’m probably an awful person for hoping it did haunt him at least for a little while.


It hurt. It hurt a lot. I did sit in my room and cry about it for maybe 15 minutes. He texted me for two hours after trying to explain himself… like there’s some other way to explain how he’s shallow about his women. We all have body issues and things we can change. This guy tore me down for a bit, but I got back up. I’m okay again and it’s just some story I’m telling all y’all.

Just think about this, when you say you’re a non-judgemental, loving person… are you really? Are you really going to protest racism, but preach ableism? Before you tell me that it’s different… it’s not. A person is a person is a person. A black person didn’t choose to be black. I didn’t choose to be a paraplegic. Just. Think. Please….

Keep in Touch

I'd love to see you more often, friend.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit

15 Comments

  1. Jonnie Davis

    February 14, 2017 at 7:51 pm

    OMG that is horrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. My brother is in a wheelchair so I know how people can react and it’s usually not nice. Sending you love and hugs. Hopefully this can help people think before they judge.

    1. raeofsunnshyne

      February 14, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      This is why I am doing this blog. It’s so personal, but it can change someone’s mind.

      1. Jean Skrentny

        February 15, 2017 at 10:07 am

        If anyone can do it , it is you. I admire you so much and just love your blogs. You are an amazing woman. Just so you know, I am Aunt Jean. Your grandmothers sister.
        Believe me you are that Rae of Sunshine,I just love you!

  2. Amber

    February 15, 2017 at 10:50 am

    Very inspirational story. Thank you for taking the time to share this. I will be sharing this post on my Facebook!

    1. raeofsunnshyne

      February 15, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      I appreciate it!

  3. Amanda Lutz

    February 15, 2017 at 11:05 am

    Wow! This is unbelievable… and yet so believable. Thanks for asking the hard questions, sharing your experience, and making me take a hard look at myself

    1. raeofsunnshyne

      February 15, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      Someone has to say these things eventually. It’s hard, but it’s the truth.

  4. Sam @ The Haunted Housewife

    February 15, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Wow what a jerk! He clearly didn’t listen to you when you told him you were in a wheelchair. This honestly makes me so mad! I’m sorry you had to go through that darling, you’re amazing and he just wasn’t worthy 🙂

  5. Lia

    February 15, 2017 at 6:30 pm

    OMG, this is so awful and sad! I can’t believe there are people this close minded still existing. I think you are so brave for sharing this, I believe it wasn’t easy for you to experience that and to write about that. I hope you have a better Valentine’s date in the future, because you deserve it!

  6. Dawn

    February 15, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Sambina…I love you! I love your wit, your honesty, your transparency and your humor. Most of all, I just love you!! I have since day one!

    By the way, that guy better never cross my path, I’ll give him “what for!!” #proudauntie

  7. Tammy

    February 16, 2017 at 1:33 pm

    Wow! Thanks you for sharing. Although this is very personal it has made me think.

  8. Adara Ingram

    February 16, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    I really really love this story and the strength you’ve most likely built up over the years to be able to talk openly about this. Thank you so much for sharing this, Samm! Guys are jerks if it wasn’t this it would have been something else *eyeroll*

  9. Samantha

    February 18, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    You seem like such a strong woman & I’ve definitely had similar first date disasters when I “fail” to mention my height and the guy shows up a wee bit short – both in height and character 😉 – Keep shining! xxx

    http://aleggygal.blogspot.com

  10. Christina

    February 21, 2017 at 7:50 am

    I admire you for sharing your story! I can assure there is someone out there somewhere who will love you for you and look past the wheelchair, just because you are an awesome person. Real love isn’t about the outside you, but the inside you! Stay strong my friend, he is the one with a disability not you! And just knowing he wasn’t even paying attention to your “talks” would have made me give him the boot right there. hehe

  11. How Much Are You Worth? The Answer is EVERYTHING -

    March 8, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    […] back to my Disaster Date Story I posted (read it here), self worth can be torn down real quickly and unintentionally. Your judgement of someone can be SO […]

Leave a Reply